Camp was nothing short of amazing.
I won't go into detail about it because I'll just be reminiscing to no one.
I should be doing my crazy amount og homework right now, given it's almost 11, but nope. Can't concentrate.

Highlights:
rolling down hills
dizzy stars
grilled cheese mondays
chocolate covered hands after making truffles

A friend of mine answered the question on livejournal "If your life was made into a movie, what type of movie would you want it to be? Who would you choose to play yourself? Who would play the important people in your life?" and I thought it was really interesting.

It would definitely be an independent film, probably abstract and switch between reality and the way things play out in my mind. I'd be played by... ellen page. A lot because her appearance is pretty normal. I'd have Robin Williams as my Dad, though my Dad isn't funny, he's just done characters with similar characteristics, andddd hmmm. My mother would be . My friends... I'd have Gabby played by Alexis Bledel because she has a soft voice/face/personality but witty words (and is ridiculously pretty)... Julia being played by a slightly younger Lindsay Lohan, I won't explain that one. My friend Haley would definitely be played by Amber Tamblyn. Ohh my friend Ali would be played by Vannessa Hudgens ALTHOUGH I LOATHE HER (Vanessa, not Ali) AS A PERSON, my friend ali just has this way about her... she's ridiculously pretty and a singer (even though vanessa hugens isn't a good singer) and she just IS smiles all of the time.

I'm going to think about this more.

We're here. We're finally here. Just the two of us. The best spot there is, you know that? Our feet dangle over the edge and it seems as though every person covets our spot at the end of 'the point' where the river splits, running on both sides of us. Warmth blankets my body, but I'm not sure if it's from the fires along the center of the river or from the sudden feeling of your hand interlocked in mine. The bussing of chattering voices combines with the low growling of music and glistening silence between couples. The smell of kettle corn keeps my nose awake, but I have everything I could possible want in the world beside me and the night couldn't be more perfect. We've both thought about it, hoped for it, hinted that we should come alone sometime, knowing that the air on such Saturday nights were thick with the chemistry of couples and we would be among them. I've waited to know what it's like to feel our hands fit together, how we both hold tight, secretly whispering in the language of glances and fingertips that neither of us ever wants to let go.I almost want to cry, right there, surrounded by strangers who don't really exist to us, as silly as it seems. I will not cry, but it's the feeling that has my stomach in knots. I want to cry and tell him I will never lie again, never listen to any voice but that of my own heart, that I will never leave him as long as long as I live. And then, before the opportunity arises, he kisses me, and all bittersweet feelings trickle into oblivion. All I can taste is roses, sweet roses. I want to tell him that I've never been kissed softly before; only aggressively, with hunger as I could feel his teeth and his exploring tongue. I want to tell him I've never been held before, only felt like a rag doll. I want to tell him to stop and not go further so I can cherish each moment where our eyes become reflections. But then he kisses the tip of my nose and my heart turns into a rain cloud, bursting into a million tiny rain drops. Never leave me, I whisper. If you promise to stay, he replied.

I'm about to go for a run.

So since summer has started I've lost like, ten pounds which I'm really happy about. Birth control made me gain about thirty because I have a stupid disease that's painful if I'm not on the pill, but my doctor told me to stop taking it because of the weight gain a while back. So I've been getting happier with myself which is nice even though I'm not quite content yet. But YAY.

<3

I wrote a song the day before yesterday, and it's the first song I've completed and actually like. So I'm happy about it. I just need to get better at playing and singing at the same time (:

So yesterday began as a good day and then we ended up going to a carnival and things just got worse and worse... I mean. The only part that actually affected me besides just being like 'whatever' because I was happy to be with my little sissta was when we were walking through the nearly deserted fairground in darkness where you couldn't make out people's faces. We sort of slowed down and a man in a red shirt walked over to me, leaned in and whispered 'Psst. Psst.' and brush something against my thigh that he was holding out to me. And I just about froze and grabbed gabbys hand and walked really fast. And then I told her what happened and the guy came out and started walking towards us again so we took off to the parking lot. I mean, the world is so beautiful but it's like a rose with thorns, or a beautiful white oleander that is extremely poisonous when boiled. Just the entire walk back was me being scared of the people around me, and I hate it when bad things can poison your outlook, but it's not like this is the first time.

I'm going to go read writing down the bones and hopefully get a lot of writing done.

"Explain to me what love is"

"Love is giving your entire soul to someone and not expecting anything in return.
Love is the force that seems to be absent in today's world more than anything else.
People seem to have forgotten how to be unselfish.
Love is letting someone be in all of your thoughts, your hopes, your dreams, your decisions, even if it's just the merest shadow of them.
Love is staying up all night with someone talking about everything and nothing, really listening to what they say, and not falling asleep.
Love is that thing that drives you crazy.
That makes you do things you'd otherwise never dream of doing.
Love is a mystery.
Love is that indefinable quality that has more power than any other thing."

"An equally astute question may be: what is love not? I'm afraid both are questions with no answers and no resolutions."

"Love is confusing. Do I really need to say more?"

''Love, for me, is more than a feeling, or a thought, or a simple motive in this world. I believe love is the meaning of life, or at least the meaning of life was created from its being. I think love is something that swallows you completely and wholley, so that not even a hair from your head can have a shadow cast upon it... I think it drowns you in its presence, and when you lift your head to suck its air - the only air you'll ever need for survival - you breathe in pure beauty, and you are left with a pure existence. A captivating soul. You're left with something that matters... someone that matters. Not only to you, but the world - which is so detestable at times. You are left with a meaning, a core.
Love is the power inside you that kills you in bittersweet suffocation, only so that you may be reborn... and the future looks bright, or at least in that moment. And you are calm. Free, to say the least. And you have accepted yourself."

"Love is liking someone's flaws more than anyone else's virtues."

"True love is forever."

"Laying naked on a golf course huddled under a blanket and watching the stars. When a shooting star passes and I'm asked what I wished for, saying, honestly, "nothing.""

"Love is something everyone craves.
And something that, once gotten, is sometimes hard to hold onto--sometimes it cracks and shatters, but it never truly leaves you."

"When you and everyone and everything that exists is floating on the surface of an infinite sea, love is when all things, except for you and your lover, sink down to the depths of unimportance. While you and the one you adore remain atop the surface."

"Heinlein said that "Love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.""

"Love is perfect."

"Love is the most courageous thing a person can do.
You're opening yourself up to someone, allowing them to see your flaws and imperfections, trusting them with all things fragile and breakable. Your giving them your everything and trusting them not to use that. Love is the ultimate act of bravery and compassion. Love is learning to care for another, no matter what.
Love is the most terrifyingly beautiful and honest thing you can ever come across in your life. It can take you or break you. But always remember, never give up on love, because love never, ever, ever, gives up on you."

"The thing that most people refer to as "Love" is a chemical reaction that turns you into an idiot and reduces one's ability to think rationally and makes you want to be around someone incessantly in order to facilitate breeding of the species (i.e. the butterflies when you see them.)
After a few years (shorter if you're not around the person. i.e. break ups), the chemical wears off and you find out where you really stand being around the person. If you still want to stay with them after the, that's love if you ask me."

"Love is walking into a blazing fire and trusting that it won't burn you."

"Love is a bit of everything. Take all of the light in the darkness and all of the good things-contagious laughter, a baby's smile, the air in the winter, the smell of rain, the colors of a sunset, the purest note of a piano, and throw all of that into one word and you have love, the purest, most intoxicating thing in the world. When you feel love, nothing bad can exist because everything good is intensified and overwhelms the bad until it's just not there. The good is seen in even the worst, and the ugliest are somehow more beautiful. When love happens, everything changes."

"I think that love is...
equal to air, I guess.
I don't really know."

Love is a situation.
Love is the present and could be the future. Love is knowing the past but when loving happens, the past does not matter it is just subject to something what makes a person you become to love.
Love is a powerful tool.
Knowledge is power and power might be corrupted. Love is power and power could be corrupted. It is easy to own and blacken a heart but if true love excists, then love will overcome or consume it self. In that way love can lead us to a begin or bring us to an end.
Love is philosophy.
Love, like many know you could use a thousand beautiful words and a million ugly more, to describe it. Yet it cannot be described in many. It cannot happen for love is love and in that word hides all and nothing, the passion, the lust, the obsession, the power, the might, the present and the future. It is all and nothing. It's love."

"Love is when you find a shard of your soul inside someone else.
Because only souls that can resonate with yours can have these.
Love is a symbiotic connection between two souls. They resonate and have the same color. When two souls get to this point they dont need anything else. That's why when you are in love you feel you can do anything, you are nice to everyone and when your partner is beside you holding your hand you feel like you have an infinite sourse of energy connected to you."

"“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.” -neil gaiman."

"Love inspires"

"Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own. It is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies."

"Love is."

"ITS OKAY THAT YOU LOVE HIM, MEG. it's okay that you're a human being and an amazing friend and you let yourself feel something. PLEASE don't beat yourself up or try and suppress this because it's incredible and amazing and loving someone can be so great, if you don't let it be something negative."





So, it looks like we'll all make it just fine.